How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
