my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
