so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
