YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
