Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
