my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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