i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just invented taco cereal.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
