Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
