he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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