There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
