I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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