Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
