We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
