You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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