i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
