So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
