Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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