I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
