What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
wow bdsm is so cute
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
