you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
