You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
