He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
