Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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