my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
