i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it because I queefed?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
