I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
tell me about the eggs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
