i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
