even my farts smell like vagina
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
