Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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