I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
