just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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