Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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