Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
