Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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