dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
