She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
