in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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