I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
