The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
