i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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