U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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