I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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