Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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