last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize