i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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