on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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