im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
