my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
