I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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