Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
