That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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