I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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