this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
