I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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