bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
