she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Vodka?
Forever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
