you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
