Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize