The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
